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Prude Awakening: 'Journo' Freaks Over Teenage Kash Patel's 1990s House Parties - GASP!

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Modern day ‘journalists’ really are nothing but high school drama queens. That’s not an exaggeration, ‘journo’ Jacqueline Sweet has uncovered a story that probably had Kash Patel’s high school cafeteria abuzz back in the mid-90s.

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Party on. 

Scandalous!

So, the ‘story’ here is that roughly 25 years ago a teenage Kash Patel hosted house parties while his parents were away. Congrats, you’ve now made him more relatable. But, there’s more! Some teens at one of his parties snuck off and had sex. Um, ok. Wait, why is this newsworthy in 2024? 

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‘Journalists’ really are desperate for relevance after their candidate, Kamala Harris, got trounced by President-Elect Donald Trump weeks ago. It’s hilarious when you consider they voted en masse for a candidate whose political career was boosted by a sexual relationship with a still-married Willie Brown in the 90s. Apparently, that’s not disqualifying like an earth-shattering teenage house party from the 90s where the host didn’t even engage in sex! So glad we have ‘investigative journalists’ to set us straight on these moral matters.

Jacqueline, since you’re on the ‘teen beat’ we’ve got some world-rocking leads for you!

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‘Journalists’ are incapable of feeling embarrassment. If they could they would never publish such shameful, non-journalistic nonsense.

So, we have some career advice.

They’ll never stop publishing this childish dreck. 

President-Elect Trump has nominated Kash Patel to head the FBI. As we’re seeing, this is a perfect opportunity for ‘journalists’ to further publish their way into irrelevance. We’re already planning the end-of-‘journalism’ parties. Maybe, we can get Kash to host one. Oh, Jacqueline, you’re not invited.

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