'The gods must be crazy!'
Here's something that will make you lose your head and send it spinning down a long staircase - quite literally, if some get their way! Apparently, a Florida 'journo' has an ancient solution to our modern-day weather woes: human sacrifice! It seems the days of stormy superstition where mad men did ridiculous and horrible things to themselves (and especially to others) in hopes of appeasing their angry gods truly never went away. But not everyone is willing to switch from hi-tech to Aztec quite yet.
Pump this into your weather vanes.
BREAKING: journo calls for human sacrifice to please the gods and prevent hurricanes. https://t.co/GgH1f2wfl8 pic.twitter.com/Vmi9Vx2CGA
— Jeremy Redfern (@JeremyRedfernFL) October 17, 2024
It's a good thing Florida's population continues to grow. The state's going to need a huge human sacrifice pool to draw from in order to get on the good side of any number of demanding deities. Probably best to not highlight that little tidbit in a U-Haul commercial though.
Still, you got to hit that otherworldly quota if we want to save this weathered world.
Just a few thousand human sacrifices and we can be as hurricane savy as pre-columbian people. pic.twitter.com/GHGZoU3aVC
— Don Helpingstine (@dhelpingstine) October 17, 2024
Our 'journo' states if you want to bottle Quetzalcoatl and get some calm you got to go palm. Yes, palm trees. Still, it doesn't hurt to check with your earthly insurance agent first.
This guys gets it.
Yes yes, thatch structures. There’s a reason these aren’t covered by carriers during a hurricane. Because they get destroyed easily. pic.twitter.com/A9Ea67wrP5
— J H (@Im_goodthanks) October 17, 2024
Of course, looking to the ancient gods should inform all government policies. Why not?
Here's a Floridian who wants to honor his ancestors by following their ways.
Recommended
He says the change makes sense and saves a few cents, too.
I am 1% Taino if you need me for any help. Once the Sandhill Crane starts squawking, please suspend all tolls. The Spirit of the Ancestors will guide us.
— Michael Mella 🐊 (@LoPassFilter28) October 17, 2024
One can imagine that human sacrifice is not going to draw visitors or future residents to the Sunshine State. They might be singing, 'I Left My Heart in San Francisco,' but it's a good bet they don't to really lose it in Miami.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member