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Who Wants to Tell Him? Elie 'Professor Klump' Mystal Won't Follow Laws of Whites Who 'Stole His People'

ABC

There are two things we know that will always happen when unbridled racist Elie Mystal speaks. First, whatever the race-hustling wannabe successor to Al Sharpton is mad about, we can rest assured that it is the white man's fault. Secondly, whatever 'history' he mentions is complete fiction and bereft of any, you know, facts. 

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Not long ago, Mystal began his latest crusade to abolish voter ID and the United States Constitution because old, white men wrote it. Actually, all Mystal is trying to do is sell copies of his new, racist book, but if he can overthrow the foundation of our government while he's at it, all the better. 

Mystal, of course, wants to replace our Constitution with one more like what they have in South Africa, where 'Kill the Boer' has practically become the government motto.

In his latest attempt to tilt at his ridiculous windmill, Mystal has now decided that he is going to rewrite the entire history of slavery to fit his warped worldview. Watch: 

Oh. The whites 'stole his people'? Really? 

Who wants to tell him? 

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Mystal knows this, but he cannot admit it because then everyone would realize that his book, not to mention everything else he says, is complete BS. 

Sane people know that already, but sadly, there are far too many people in America who believe that the entire history of slavery was the creation of mean old white men in the South. 

Yikes. That is truly scary. 

Hey, maybe Nina Jankowicz can address some of that disinformation. 

Just kidding. She loves that kind of lie.

LOL. 'Professor Klump.' We never get tired of hearing that one.

No one takes Mystal seriously, but the constant drumbeat of blaming everything on white men from him and others seems to have seeped into too many broken brains, like a racist form of osmosis.

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Oh, but he can't do that. That would end his grift of hating the country that has enabled him to become an obese rich man. 

It was 15 years ago when Mystal himself said that he makes $250,000 a year (but that doesn't make him rich). 

We shudder to think what this scam artist makes today with all of his appearances on leftist media outlets.

Whatever he's worth, we know he's well fed.

HA. 

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End Mystal's enslavement of that oppressed button!

That poor chair. We feel sorry for it.

Regardless of Mystal's best efforts to impersonate a sperm whale, however, his argument that he should not have to obey laws he doesn't like is probably one he hasn't thought through to its logical conclusion. 

Yeah, we don't think ignoring the Constitution would work out the way Mystal thinks it would work out for him. 

But unintended consequences aside, there's one simple reason he needs to follow America's laws. 

We're happy to buy his plane ticket for him if he would prefer to live in South Africa or Liberia. 

One-way, of course.

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And there it is. It all boils down to that. With Mystal, it always boils down to that. 

No matter what fictional history of slavery Mystal would like to make up in his head and try to sell to the American people, anyone with half a brain can see straight through him. 

Figuratively speaking, of course. 

Because in reality, in this horrible country that has oppressed him so much that he is richer than 99 percent of everyone else, Mystal seems intent on his goal of achieving a mass large enough to block out the sun.

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