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Just For Fun: Robby Starbuck Discovers Evil Device That Removes the Need for All Men in Society

Twitchy

Men, what can we say? We've had a good run. It had to come to a crashing end sometime. And it's no surprise that our ultimate demise would come at the hands of dastardly technology. 

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Yesterday on Twitter, Robby Starbuck -- who usually occupies his time exposing and ending DEI in corporate C-Suites -- unveiled a diabolical new device that will, once and for all, remove the need for men throughout society. 

What could this evil machination be? Have a look for yourself and understand that the death knell of masculinity ('toxic' or otherwise) has finally arrived like some rough beast, its hour come 'round at last, that has been slouching towards Bethlehem to be born.

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

As every man (and woman) knows, our sole civilizational purpose is to open jars for our wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and lady friends. If sinister robotic technology has removed that purpose, we all might as well just walk straight into the sea with weights strapped to our ankles. 

Just ask noted man and jar-opener Matt Walsh at the end of his movie, What Is A Woman?

Walsh's wife Alyssa even saw the fiendish appliance and posed the inevitable question to her husband: 

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To date, Walsh has not responded to the question. Probably because he is too busy writing out his will and preparing for ritual seppuku.

Other men tried to be futilly defiant of our impending doom. 

Well, gosh, Senator. Thanks a pantload for giving them even more ideas. If a spider elimination robot is put on the market tomorrow, we might as well just disappear immediately. 

And now we'll know who to blame. 

Perhaps not all is lost just yet, though. One woman pointed out that there is still one thing that the unholy instrument cannot do. 

Trust us. They're working on that as we speak. 

Whoever the shadowy 'they' are. We can't be sure, but we're betting one of the infernal architects is none other than pregnant 'man' Bill Gates. 

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Shhhh. DON'T TELL THEM!

It was always just a matter of time, however. Machinery has been removing the need for men in other parts of society for decades. 

Uhhh ... ahem ... moving on, then. 

Imagine a force so malicious that it would want to erase one of the Internet's most touching memories of all time. 

Only a true monster wouldn't want to give that dad his moment in the sun. 

On our final march toward inevitable obsolescence, though, maybe we can at least exact some revenge against the cruel authors of our extinction. 

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Hiding replies is a good start, but we need to go further.

Pitchforks and torches! Storm the Bastille!

There we go. Now we're talking. 

Sadly, the genie is out of the ketchup bottle ... thanks to a robot. Pandora's pickle jar has been wrenched agape by demoniacal mechanical hands. 

Eventually, we must just accept the inevitable. 

The bleak specter of inexorable ruination is upon us, men. Our dark fate awaits us. 

Unless ... what ... what if we put all of the jars in the kitchen on the top shelf? 

Huzzah! Salvation! We will be needed once more! 

Wait. No one has invented the step stool yet, right? ... Right? 

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