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Grab Your Nonsense Word Salad Secret Decoder Ring As Kamala Attempts to Explain DEI (Watch)

Jackie Chan Meme

As we all know, it has now been well over a month since Democrats threw Joe Biden out the window of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to replace him with Kamala Harris. No need for you voters, Democrats. The party elite will be making all of your decisions for you.

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Over that same period of time, Harris and her decidedly weird running mate Tim Walz have held exactly zero press conferences and sat down for exactly zero media interviews. 

You can't get a job at Baskin-Robbins by hiding from interviews like that and these two want to be POTUS and VPOTUS? 

Fortunately for us (but unfortunately for Harris), video is a thing that exists in the 21st century and Harris didn't exactly fall out of the coconut tree yesterday into the position of Democratic nominee. She has a history. 

So, since she refuses to let America hear from her today, we'll just have to keep sharing how she spoke to America previously as a politician. 

Or, to be more accurate, how she tried to speak to America. Take a look:

Holy. Sh*t. What the absolute $%&* was that?

And this was just a response to one question, about 4-5 months ago. Can you imagine Harris on a debate stage for 90 minutes? It might make everyone's heads explode, like in that movie Scanners

We're going to need some help here, so we enlisted Twitter to try to make some sense of what we just saw. 

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'We must embrace our history. Because that history is ours. And diversity is a word that sounds like history. Do you see the connection? It's like a beautiful Venn diagram. Or the wheels on the bus of history [cackle].'

-- Kamala Harris ... probably

Not even an entire keg of Ranch dressing can make this word salad palatable. 

Harris exhibits this behavioral pattern all the time. She doesn't know what she is talking about, but she wants to sound smart. So she starts to ramble, she starts to repeat words, and she starts to exhibit nervous tics (notice the scratching of her mouth). She goes on for way too long when a short, concise answer would have more than sufficed.

She is exactly the kid who didn't study for the exam, so writes three pages on the topic in her blue book.

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We noticed today that she tried to change the terms of her planned September 10 debate with Donald Trump. Terms that she had already agreed to by challenging Trump to that debate. 

Honestly, we will be shocked if she even shows up. 

Her handlers will never let it happen. Why else do you think she is now demanding that she be allowed to bring 'notes' to the debate? When she says 'notes,' what she means is 'a fully written script.' 

Neither could we. More importantly, neither could America. 

HA. That's a good comparison. We're pretty sure Mindy's 18-year-old is far more intelligent, though. 

We can understand how this might render you speechless. We wish it would have rendered her speechless. 

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Except Biden didn't wander off so much as he was thrown off by the seat of his pants, like a drunk given the bum's rush out of a bar. 

If you haven't heard @mommyrn88 (a.k.a., Estee Palti) do a Harris impression yet, you are missing out. She hasn't taken on this clip yet, but here she is imitating Harris in the incredibly cringe promo video some Democrats shot for Stephen Colbert's show.

SNL should hire Palti instead of bringing back Maya Rudolph, whose Harris impersonation is pretty lame, to be honest. 

Clips like these aren't going to put to rest any rumors that Harris has a drinking problem, that's for sure. 

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Right? YIKES. 

Have we said how much we love Cherie Curry? This is the reaction of a true punk rocker. 

Joey Tribbiani was a Mensa member compared to Harris. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Chef's kiss right there. Spot on. 

The Democrats know it is an insult. They do not care. Let that, as they say, sink in. 

We can even smell that brief whiff of ozone. 

That's a bold statement right there. Sadly, it is also an accurate one. 

Kamala Harris could put videos like this to rest anytime she wants. All she has to do is sit down for an interview or stand for a press conference and explain her positions. Explain how she arrived at them, and how she plans to implement them. 

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The fact that she has refused to do so for five weeks -- and doesn't seem to have any plans to do so in the near future -- should tell the American voters everything we need to know. 

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