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Can We Go to Mars Yet, Elon? Man Tries to Become A Dog, Has Some (But Not Enough) Regrets

Fuzzy Chimp

Sometimes, we run across a story on Twitter that honestly just makes us want to throw up our hands and ask Elon Musk to take the sane people to Mars already. What's that guy waiting for, anyway? 

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Today was one of those days. 

Not satisfied with 'men can be women' and 'men can get pregnant,' the newest craze of the mentally ill (at least in Japan) is 'men can be dogs.'

OK, maybe men can't be dogs. But did you really have to spend $14K on a custom collie costume in order to learn that lesson? 

Here are some more of the facepalming details from The Daily Mail

A Japanese man who spent thousands of dollars to transform into a dog said that he has changed his mind after realizing it's hard to walk like a dog. 

Toco spent $14,000 on a custom-made rough collie costume in 2022 in order to fulfill his lifelong fantasy of 'becoming an animal.' 

But now, he has revealed that the challenges of moving like a dog have made him consider imitating other animals. 

Oh, for crying out loud. How about not trying to become ANY animals? Did you consider that option? 

Toco says that he hides his face in all of his social media videos of him trying and failing to be a dog because his co-workers would 'think it's weird.' 

Gee, ya think? 

But thankfully, The Daily Mail shared one of those videos. And since we watched it, now you have to. Those are the rules. 

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WOOF. Go home, fake collie. You're drunk. 

We're a little scared though that this man will now demand to participate in the Westminster Dog Show because if men can play in women's sports, why shouldn't men be allowed to play in dog sports? Right, trans activists?

As you can imagine, Twitter decided to have a little fun with Toco. 

If you watch the full video above (and we won't blame you if you don't), you can see that the other dogs are INDEED weirded out by this intruder in their midst. 

Not even Kyle Mann or Seth Dillon would come up with something this crazy. We think. We ... hope? 

Can you blame them? There seem to be no signs of intelligent life anywhere. 

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OK, now stop it. We are going to take away your license to tweet if you keep up with that sort of commentary.

Oooooo-kay. Moving on now. LOL. 

We MEAN IT with the puns. We'll stop this article right here and now. 

Awww. We miss Mitch Hedberg. He could always make everyone laugh. 

HA. Those pesky issues like biology, physiology, and genetics are always so strict, aren't they? 

We'll make an exception to that rule in this case. Please quit, Toco. And do not try to become any other animals. No one wants to see Toco the Kangaroo. 

That was the whole point of Johnny the Walrus, wasn't it? 

No argument here. 

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At this point, we're ready to believe almost any conspiracy theory that would explain behavior like this. 

It's just bad research ... on top of bad everything else. 

WE DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 

Good point. We see what you did there. 

Bringing this back to Elon Musk, while this story makes this writer want to go to Mars, someone else had a different idea that Musk could work on: 

Simpsons did it. 

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via GIPHY

OK, that was a good one. 

PLEASE do not give him any ideas. 

LOL. And now we're dead.

Before we leave poor, deluded Toco to hopefully reflect and find sanity, we'll just point out once more that there is exactly zero difference between him trying to become a dog and people who believe that men can become women and vice versa.

We say that Taco is mentally ill and needs help, not anyone 'affirming' that he should be able to become a dog. We should similarly say that to anyone who refuses to recognize that human biology and genetics are ALSO immutable.

All this story does is bring some new perspective to that reality. 

In other words, Toco, 'Stop trying to make 'Fetch' happen.'

(We're sorry for that. We'll see ourselves out.)

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