Last night, Twitchy told you about the terrible, horrible, awful, no good, very bad news that esteemed media outlet Media Matters for America has laid off many of its reporters. It truly was a sad moment for America's fourth estate. We spent most of the night tossing and turning in our grief (and not at all laughing at the schadenfreudeliciousness of it all as some people, who we will not mention, did).
Even the news that The Babylon Bee's Kyle Mann has offered all of the beleaguered journos jobs wasn't enough to keep us from weeping into our pillow for hours on end.
We are sorry to say, Twitchy readers, that we have some even worse news for you this morning. You may want to get a box of tissues handy before you start reading this.
To celebrate her solidarity with these casualties of MMFA's war against truth and reality, lead journo Kat Abu created a thread to mourn the loss of all of today's Edward R. Murrows that were unfairly told yesterday to start looking for jobs in either the food service or cobalt mining industries.
If you don't know who Kat Abu is, shame on you. She lists her job -- pardon us, former job -- as 'watching Fox News so we don't have to' in her Twitter bio. What a brave trooper. And she's so good at her job, she held annual celebrations commemorating when Tucker Carlson was fired from that news network.
This media matters employee who made this video celebrating “Tucker-Got-Firedversary” was fired today pic.twitter.com/hAy4Gh06K0
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) May 23, 2024
How will the media survive without such intrepid pursuers of truth and justice?
And if you are in awe of her courage, just wait until you meet her friends. Let's introduce you to some of them.
I’m going to thread any MMFA layoff announcements here.
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
I can’t recommend any of my colleagues enough — they’re all incredibly talented, smart, hardworking people who you should definitely hire:
How selfless.
Let's start with Bea. Or maybe it's Bee. We can't really be sure.
Bea is an incredibly skilled media analyst. She’s also one of the funniest coworkers I’ve ever had.
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
Hire her:https://t.co/blON3ZhHvX
It's true. Bea/Bee is a hoot. And so highly skilled. Her Twitter bio lists her special talent as (again, former) 'Professional One America News Watcher.'
So, she's kind of like a sofa that tweets.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
— Greg Price (@greg_price11) May 23, 2024
Maybe now you can find something more useful to do with your life than "Professional One America News Watcher" https://t.co/ZZtmQM0RqC pic.twitter.com/xYCZlqgU58
You suck. You’re a bad person and this is why it’s happening to you. https://t.co/cdmu3s01eo
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) May 23, 2024
As you can see, Twitter was awash with the outpouring of sympathy for poor Bea/Bee.
But Abu was just getting started. Next up was Brendan.
Brendan is one of the most effective researchers in the world of some of the shittiest people on the planet.
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
He is able to dig into his research with a very rare work ethic and resilience that any place would be lucky to have:https://t.co/T38nmxGIze
(We apologize for the off-color language there, but you can't really blame Abu. She's in mourning, after all.)
Please pour one out for Brendan. But it's not all bad for him. He still lists 'gamer' among his journalistic qualifications in his Twitter bio, along with ... well, no. That's pretty much it.
hey are you going to research how to get unemployment insurance and the most-nutritious, low-cost meals for the formerly-working poor?
— Michael Malice (@michaelmalice) May 23, 2024
Here research this: https://t.co/6HZcivMCMO pic.twitter.com/8eYLZyZcT7
— Golden Boy 👑🗡️ (@RealGoldenBoy13) May 23, 2024
As you can see, Brendan is so beloved, many people were flooding him with future 'research' opportunities like these.
And it's a good thing that there are so many research opportunities because Abu had another talented researcher to introduce. Meet Bobby.
Bobby has been a researcher at MMFA for almost a decade. Besides his impeccable wit, he has an unparalleled eye for the Weird and Dumb of right-wing media (and too many viral tweets to count!).
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
Hire him:https://t.co/cv6HmXt9xe
You hear that, America? Hire him. Where else are you going to find a researcher who, according to his bio, (used to) 'post about bad TV and other stuff'?
Maybe Tucker is hiring? https://t.co/jppAuaYVy7
— Mr. Conte (@Suspensionboss) May 23, 2024
You're a journalist? Why not just claim to be good looking or not a virgin while you're at it? https://t.co/PGSV51Omm5
— Derek Hunter (@derekahunter) May 24, 2024
Look at that. Not just job opportunities for Bobby, but people were even wanting to help him with his resume.
With all of his qualifications and these handy tips, Bobby will be fine. We're sure of it.
Let's move on to Alex, who is a true warrior for LGBTQIA2SZP&#+.
Alex has been behind some of our most impactful work at MMFA, both writing it and managing the people who write it.
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
He's a must-hire, especially if the position could benefit at all from his background in LGBTQ+ research and advocacy:https://t.co/X3rllJIvNI
Don't worry, future employers. Alex lists his pronouns in his bio, so you know that he knows what he's talking about. And just get a look at that fabulous profile picture. He could be the face of any media empire. Or perhaps a traveling circus.
“Please hire me!” pic.twitter.com/lpYOeKKYkn
— Alex Rosen (@iFightForKids) May 23, 2024
I’ve read all your accomplishments and they’re quite impressive. You might want to check this out. https://t.co/I7DdbWhHMS
— 🫃🏼💉🇺🇦Hollaria Briden, Esq. (@HollyBriden) May 23, 2024
Thank you, Holly. You are always reaching out to lift others up.
Pinned tweet pairs perfectly with the one beneath it https://t.co/ELuQhgvAWe pic.twitter.com/TfJd4kccCu
— Magills (@magills_) May 24, 2024
Look at Alex go. Fighting all of those 'right-wing hatemongers' such as ... Joe Rogan.
We're having a difficult time typing through our tears right now, but we are going to try to soldier on.
Are you ready to meet Carly?
Carly is one of the greats when it comes to data compilation and analysis.
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
And because so many of y’all keep saying it, she can, in fact, code:https://t.co/48aPPnJOZX
The great news for Carly is that she already knows how to code (possibly). Also, she is an 'All-around internet nerd.'
Honestly, we're still trying to figure out how MMFA didn't succeed with all of these legends of journalism on its staff. Sorry. We keep messing that one up. Former legends of journalism.
Forgive us, it's the grief talking.
Unfortunately for Carly, A.I. is replacing all coders. But Twitter still wanted to help her out.
Learn to doordash the AI industry replacing coders.
— Daniel La'Racist (@la_racist) May 23, 2024
Learn to mine cobalt
— Pierre Chang (@PiereChangstein) May 24, 2024
Can you beg for food? pic.twitter.com/WjXOzy4FVp
— Ghost who walks (@TazGweilo) May 23, 2024
The opportunities are endless for Carly. We will stand vigil for her until she lands one of these positions.
We know this is difficult for you to read, but we're almost done. While many more were laid off, Abu only had one more to go in her Twitter monument to journalistic integrity. Let's say hello (and goodbye) to Ethan.
Ethan is another one of MMFA’s exceptional researchers. He has an almost unbelievable breadth of knowledge, with his work getting fingerprints in media organizations across the world.
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) May 23, 2024
Hire him:https://t.co/aV4G4iWgi7
Now, this is just plain injustice. Did you know that Ethan went to college? It's true. He even says so in his bio, a bio that also includes a raised fist of defiance. Except it's a white fist, so we're a little confused by that. Maybe Ethan has a secret life that includes a white hood. Who can say?
But as we can see, Ethan's research skills cover a broad spectrum of issues, from DEI to LGBTQ+. (It's a little disappointing that he doesn't include BLM, but again, there's that whole white fist thing.)
The reason you got laid off is because you suck https://t.co/8GJneXjdHJ
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) May 23, 2024
Now, that's not nice. Ethan is such a talented researcher, he has figured out how to eliminate hate and make it disappear, even on Twitter.
He’s hiding the replies 😂 #MediaMatters https://t.co/M9a48fSc3h
— Sassygirl34 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 ❤️ 🤍💙 ❤️🤍💙🇺🇸 (@karengirl34) May 23, 2024
Thankfully, even without an MMFA researcher helping us, we were able to discover some of those hidden replies.
— Thomas Edick (@tomedick) May 23, 2024
Now, why would Ethan hide that? It seems like a wonderful career for him and his colleagues.
Maybe he just didn't want any of those nasty right-wing extremists to figure out what he was going to do next.
There are so many more we could tell you about, but we think Abu must have been so overwhelmed with sadness, she just couldn't go on. Ethan was her last profile in courage.
We understand. There is a mountain of used-up Kleenex next to this writer's desk right now. It's not easy to write about the fallen, but we must recognize the heroes in our midst.
In closing, since Abu could not continue, we turned to someone else to offer the final, heartfelt eulogy for so many MMFA giants who met their journalistic end yesterday.
Take it away, Mr. Gutfeld ...
Media matters sole purpose was to get people fired through the amplification of false smears. They deserve no sympathy or help peddling their propaganda elsewhere. Later! https://t.co/9E0kfA53tr
— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) May 23, 2024
We couldn't have said it better ourselves. There should be a memorial erected, etched with that one signature word:
'Later.'
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