We apologize for the article we are about to share with you, loyal Twitchy readers. You don't deserve this.
But there is a hard and fast rule of social media, of Twitter in particular: 'We saw it, so now you have to.'
Please bear that in mind as we present to you a piece of nightmare fuel that might destroy your psyche for years.
From The Daily Mail:
Biden, 81, says the key to his marriage is 'good sex' https://t.co/Oo970jL1GW pic.twitter.com/MlEiXueqEx
— Daily Mail US (@DailyMail) February 23, 2024
Like we said ... we're sorry.
...in private, the president has revealed some very risqué secrets about why their bond is so strong, much to his wife's annoyance.
He infuriates wife Jill by joking that the key to their 47-year marriage is 'good sex'.His racy comment has been revealed for the first time by Katie Rogers in her forthcoming book 'American Woman: The Transformation of the Modern First Lady, from Hillary Clinton to Jill Biden,' in an exclusive excerpt obtained by DailyMail.com.
We know. You just threw up in your mouth a little bit. That's OK, we did too.
But if it's any consolation, it seems that everyone on Twitter felt the same way.
https://t.co/qS5XnP8jB7 pic.twitter.com/A6eI3ypYCD
— Lady Hecate ⚫️ (@hecate40) February 23, 2024
Jill Biden agrees. pic.twitter.com/X3Qxj1vLje
— Savannah (@BasedSavannah) February 23, 2024
That doesn't look like Joe, does it? 'Doctor' Jill's very weird kiss of Second 'Gentleman' Doug Emhoff at last year's State of the Union still haunts our memory.
no one believes that man is having sex https://t.co/rDZCaTZs16
— Just Mindy 🐊 (@just_mindy) February 23, 2024
Yeah. The guy who can’t even climb a staircase without falling is somehow capable of “good sex.”
— LibertyJ (@LibertyJen) February 23, 2024
No one is buying what you are selling.
We don't even want to THINK of all the stumbling that goes on in their 'alone time.'
He says the same thing about being a parent https://t.co/lVRYtSdbGI
— Magills (@magills_) February 23, 2024
Holeeee shi ... yep. Magills went there.
https://t.co/xyeixdwNxX pic.twitter.com/XmUk9z8ddE
— Jarvis (@jarvis_best) February 23, 2024
Don't do it, Jarvis. We will get through this Lovecraftian horror show.
dear @elonmusk please ban this post https://t.co/oKYI7cmp7y
— Jon Gabriel (@exjon) February 23, 2024
Is there a Twitter policy against posts that make everyone want to vomit? If not, maybe there should be.
*checks in on Twitter quick, sees this, vomits out of eyelids* https://t.co/fVqmVyezNK
— Deebs (@DeebsFLA) February 23, 2024
Oedipus had a solution for seeing things like this. We're not recommending it ... but it WAS a solution.
What a horrible day to have eyes https://t.co/IfLBC7bRPE
— Enguerrand VII de Coucy (@ingelramdecoucy) February 23, 2024
See? We weren't the only ones thinking that.
"Hey Google, give me a reason to throw my phone in the river."
— Doug Powers (@ThePowersThatBe) February 23, 2024
Google: https://t.co/JI5g8gGmjG
Phones, laptops, tablets ... they ALL MUST GO.
It’s time! https://t.co/6azg3sw18m pic.twitter.com/sylCucxUn5
— Breanna Morello (@BreannaMorello) February 23, 2024
Please, SMOD. We've all been waiting very patiently. Bring us that sweet release.
Kill me. Please. https://t.co/4UP3IyrPG8
— 💕 Duchess of Hearts 💕 (@AnnaDsays) February 23, 2024
Thanks, I hate it https://t.co/q1pAjxD5wQ pic.twitter.com/xihlZOCemD
— brit (@pashedmotatos) February 23, 2024
https://t.co/NKthVcnqRL pic.twitter.com/BLvXctq5BC
— Kristin (@KiKi1185) February 23, 2024
We're sending a theme starting to develop here ...
Can someone - anyone - please say something more disgusting and gross so I don't have THIS on my mind for the rest of the day?!? https://t.co/imz5lVpvnR
— BrownSkin (@BrunusCutis) February 23, 2024
We're trying to come up with something, friend. We fear it is impossible, sadly.
Joe Biden, ‘They call me doctor love’ 👀 https://t.co/oycCWq2Hjb pic.twitter.com/SYSSD8VI4c
— 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝕏ʰⁱᵗᵐᵃⁿ 🏴☠️ (@imUrB00gieman) February 23, 2024
I'm afraid of who he's been having sex with. https://t.co/C6XHD49EUP pic.twitter.com/Vm97ZBHDl5
— Comrade Eliza (@ElizaKellee) February 23, 2024
Ugh. The only thing worse than picturing the First Couple in the bedroom is having to watch how awful Biden is around little children. Hunter didn't give him that nickname for nothing, folks.
"Joe, what are you doing to that vacuum cleaner?!" https://t.co/3bbm083pWF
— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) February 23, 2024
Ben 'Dr. Dreidel' Shapiro might have just gotten an idea for his next rap song.
This is better than syrup of ipecac 🤢🤮 https://t.co/3uozqoiC7u
— Mandi (@mandirising) February 23, 2024
Get it all up and out, friend. It's the only way to heal from this.
https://t.co/0CXOCgbn41 pic.twitter.com/5SwmCIFbXY
— VK (@vjeannek) February 23, 2024
Friggin puke!!!!!!! https://t.co/rvc5rc9xOg pic.twitter.com/yt5Hkc2n1W
— Cassie Cynical🐩 (@TuckerPoodleMA) February 23, 2024
There you go. Those folks got the right idea.
As the late George Burns used to say, "it's like trying to put an oyster in a coin slot" https://t.co/eosbuOPH5Y
— Rufus T. Firefly (sworn enemy of Rakell) (@hoggomcswineass) February 23, 2024
Oh, no. LOL. We just spit up our beverage all over the keyboard.
Well, that triggers the 25th amendment. https://t.co/E3K4DTnD6m
— AmishDude (@TheAmishDude) February 23, 2024
It's inflicting cruel and unusual punishment on the American reading public. That's GOT to be a high crime or misdemeanor.
Just not with Jill? https://t.co/DkuUmp2Bvg
— TheMorningSpew2 (@TheMorningSpew2) February 23, 2024
You know ... Nancy Pelosi and her husband have some wild parties, we hear.
(OK, now we just gave you THAT mental image. Apologies again.)
Lots to unpack here... https://t.co/zSF3yjHGXX
— Joe Concha (@JoeConchaTV) February 23, 2024
Please, for the love of God, DO NOT UNPACK.
The Biden White House is an orgy of geriatric sex and dog bites https://t.co/hVl73ZGkqu
— Dr. Richard Harambe (@Richard_Harambe) February 23, 2024
We can only hope the two never mix. But who knows with the Bidens?
My pp is now dead https://t.co/MvOHqsMshC
— Cajun Sparkle Bog Halfling Hobo (@BudLightSadness) February 23, 2024
You ain't alone there. We might need a dose of that Dengue Fever to restore functionality.
@mnsibley Operation shutdown the Internet needs to happen. https://t.co/tEUM285UYN
— Levi Koch (@Lastkingofiowa) February 23, 2024
Clearly, the internet has been a gigantic mistake. We need to go back.
And that’s all the internet I need today. https://t.co/QXdzlr4SFO
— Chef Andrew Gruel (@ChefGruel) February 23, 2024
We're with you, Chef. We're with you. It's going to take hours of eye-scrubbing to even BEGIN to forget what we just read.
If you are still with us, Twitchy readers, allow this writer to once again apologize for inflicting this ugliness upon you.
But we hope the funny reactions on Twitter will serve as a good support system for your recovery.
Reach out if you need help.
***
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