Stephen A. Smith Agrees Shedeur Sanders Is Victim of ‘Kaepernick-Level Collusion’
Montana's GOP-Led Housing Revolution: Bold Reforms Leave Democrats Stunned
Shedeur Sanders’ Draft Slide Stings, But Prank Callers Add Insult to Injury with...
The Great Blue Suit Scandal: Lefties LOSE THEIR MINDS Over Trump's Funeral Attire
Adam Schiff Didn't Want Biden's Pardon but Watch His Weasel Spin About Not...
Requiescat In Pace: World Leaders and Faithful Gather at the Vatican to Pay...
Jamaal Bowman Pulls the Alarm: The NFL is 'Afraid' of Shedeur Sanders Because...
'Been Owed This for 5 Years'! Scott Jennings Calls Out Randi Weingarten's Lies...
Up Next for Dem Sen. Chris Van Hollen: Margaritas With Judge Dugan?
Massive Explosion Rocks Iranian Port of Bandar Abbas Causing Widespread Damage, Injuries (...
'This Is a Crime'! CNN Legal Analyst Throws a Wrench In Dems' Narrative...
Milwaukee Democrat Rep Encourages People to Obstruct ICE from Arresting Criminal Illegal A...
Scott Jennings Schools CNN Panelists on Why an Activist Judge’s Arrest Had to...
FOIA Revelation: Biden White House Labeled Libs of TikTok and Gays Against Groomers...
Ken Dilanian Loved Going After Trump but Thinks Arresting Judges Who Break the...

Barking Mad? Woman Has Knotty Thoughts About an Oak Tree and the Replies Will Leaf You in Tears

AngieArtist

'Tis the season for people pretending to have odd sexual orientations … apparently.

As Twitchy readers know, we told you about a woman who identifies as a bandwagon, goalpost-moving sexuality known as 'abrosexual'.

Advertisement

The subject of this story, however, claims to be attracted to a giant oak tree. Would that make her 'arborsexual'?

Nope. She claims to be an 'ecosexual', not to be confused with 'echosexuals', who are attracted to the sound of their own voices.

Yes, we just made that up. In our defense, they're just making this stuff up too.

'A big misconception is that ecosexuality means sex between people and nature, it’s a different way to explore the erotic,' the forest fetishist explained. 'To watch the changing of the seasons is to me an erotic act. You go from death in winter and then everything comes alive in spring and mates.'

In other words, she's nuts … or acorns.

Evergreen. LOL.

Bwahaha!

Tree marriage seems like a bad idea, especially with oak trees. Many oak trees are marcescent, you see, which means they do not drop their leaves until spring. Entering into holy matrimony with such a tree runs afoul of the warning against being unequally oaked with an un-de-leafer. (We worked hard for that one. We're not even sorry.)

Advertisement

Un-poplar opinion: It's way too hard to avoid contradictions in the rules when you attempt to normalize insanity.

Finally, someone who sees the forest past the trees.

LOL. Well played.

We're guessing there's a 90-percent chance she becomes a tweezersexual at some point.

Fine. We'll just turn over the puns to you folks now … fir real.

That's what we're talking about!

Ecosexual tree-hugger lady: 'Hey, Groot. You wanna get with me?'

Advertisement

Groot: 'No.'

Hawt! That tree clearly exfoliagates.

Perfect.

We just can't take any more.

We're gonna leaf you with that one, spruce up our timeline, branch out into some non-deviant content, and get back to our roots on more traditional Democrat insanity.

***

Editor's Note: Do you enjoy Twitchy's conservative reporting taking on the radical left and woke media? Support our work so that we can continue to bring you the truth. Join Twitchy VIP and use the promo code SAVEAMERICA to get 40% off your VIP membership!

Join the conversation as a VIP Member

Recommended

Trending on Twitchy Videos

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement