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'Red Light Helps You Sleep': Elon Musk Offers Aid to the Distraught Left

AP Photo/Alex Brandon

Our poor friends on the left. They've had a tough week. It started so well, they were having a good old time on Monday, dancing the night away at a free concert at Carrie Furnace in Pittsburgh. All was right with the world.

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Tuesday arrived and they beamed with optimism. The bad orange man was going to be sent packing once and for all! They just knew it. They had it in the bag. They were so sure of it, so confident and they would tell anyone who would listen. Even a random guy at the liquor store. Kammie was inevitable.

By midnight it all came crashing down, it was over. The bad orange man had won, decisively. By Wednesday morning elation had given way to despair. The ensuing meltdown was almost as historic as the election itself.

The biggest landslide since 1988.

Massive red wave success! It is beyond a landslide, as Republicans won:– Presidency– Popular vote– Senate majority– House majority– State governor majority– State legislature majority The few states that didn’t go red are mostly ones without voter ID requirements. Must be a coincidence This is an extremely clear mandate from the people for significant change!

Grief overwhelmed them. Depression, denial, anger, and bargaining, were on full display and, more often than not, at full volume. How would they ever get a good night's sleep again?

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Luckily, Elon is here to help.

Our distraught leftist friends need to do no more than stare at that map and drift off into a blissful rest.

What a guy! Reaching out to help in a time of need. 

Turns out it's true, red light can indeed help you sleep.

Our statist friends need the help. They are having trouble coping and they just can't get themselves to that elusive acceptance stage. Big changes are coming and they need to be ready.

Our friends on the left are struggling. Their dreams have been dashed and they just can't sleep. We hear the sound of waves can help one sleep as well. It seems logical then that after this big red wave, they should sleep like babies.

Just like Elon, we're only trying to help.

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