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CNN: Jack-O-Lanterns 'Big Cause' Of Climate Change

Robert F. Bukaty

Is there anything that doesn't cause climate change?

Cars, meat, houses, pets, clothing, travel, and now: jack-o'-lanterns.

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The Blaze reports:

Mainstream media is looking to dampen the fun of one of the longest-lasting October traditions: carving and putting out jack-o'-lanterns for Halloween.

CNN warned about the dangerous effects on climate change that pumpkins — more specifically jack-o'-lanterns — can have due to their methane and water levels.

"More than 1 billion pounds of pumpkins are grown in the U.S. every year," the network's report began, before it warned that millions of pumpkins end up in landfills after Halloween.

The report leaned on commentary from Beverly Jaszczurowski, CEO of Scarce, an environmental group focused on recycling and reusing commercial products.

Pumpkins are organic, so we're not quite sure why ended up in landfills is a cause for alarm.

But our absolute favorite argument is this (emphasis added):

The CEO cautioned that since pumpkins are composed mostly of water, that water cannot be recouped when the pumpkin is thrown away.

"Pumpkins are about 90% water, and then that water gets trapped in the landfill and we never get it back," Jaszczurowski said.

Say what? 

It just disappeared.

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There you go, being all logical and stuff.

Nope. It's painfully obvious they don't.

Bank on it.

Anything that brings anyone even an iota of joy is bad for the environment and must be banned.

It really is spectacularly dumb, isn't it?

You mean the self-proclaimed Party of Science doesn't understand actual science?

We're shocked.

Not.

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It sure reads like a Babylon Bee piece, but it's not.

We could add Easter and Independence Day and really go all out.

Don't let Beverly know. She'll get the vapors.

And it's still early. Imagine what other stupid things they'll come up with.

An alarming number of people take this seriously. Soon we'll have to calculate the carbon footprint of our Halloween decorations.

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Yaaaassss.

Not until we're all as miserable as they are.

Today's ridiculous CNN headlines are tomorrow's national policy. Do not let these people run your lives.

***

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