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BREAKING: The Epstein List (Epstein Files) Is Out

Okay, that headline is a bit of a feint. First, it’s not really a list. It’s more like a dump of court documents related to one of the many cases related to Jeffrey Epstein and his evil empire of child rape and pornography. As of this writing, we are not even sure what the case is about. Second, it’s not all of those files just yet. We’ll talk about what is being withheld and why in a moment.

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And, before we get started, you are intelligent people. You know that at most these are accusations. This author comes second to no one in his hatred of child rapists, but we have to be fair to the accused—and certainly we at Twitchy will be fair to them. The documents are a valid place for investigations to start from, but this is not where the investigation should end. Being accused of these documents should not be mistaken for absolute proof of guilt.

And this author has not even attempted to go through all of the documents before publishing this piece, in part because we keep hearing that servers carrying them are crashing and we are being told it is around a thousand pages. And while the server crashes might prompt people to joke ‘the server didn’t kill itself’ the truth is that we would expect them to be overwhelmed in the beginning.

But maybe you can get through to the relevant servers and look for yourself. Here’s one link to the documents:

Here’s a second link if you need it:

The first link is a link to a long list of pdf documents, so that will take a long time to get through. The second is apparently one big document and the search function seems to be overwhelmed as of this writing.

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Probably the biggest headline so far relates to a certain ex-president:

"[Bill] Clinton likes them young." Excuse us while we cringe to death.

Now, we don’t have a particularly high opinion of Bill Clinton, but, to be fair, this is a hearsay accusation. It wouldn’t even come into evidence in court, and he has had no chance to defend himself. We can imagine many scenarios where even if it was genuinely said, the allegation isn’t true—and maybe even Bill Clinton could actually prove it.

But this is a place to start an investigation, journalistically or criminally.

Here’s another allegation:

Again, we don’t know if the allegation against him is true, or even if he is a donor to Vivek Ramaswamy—and it would be a pretty thin gruel guilt-by-association theory to claim that this reflects poorly on Mr. Ramaswamy, even if the allegations against Dubin turn out to be true.

And we imagine that the British press is going to be rocked by this:

Other allegations:

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Of course, most of the allegations against Jackson didn't involve girls...

But having not read the documents, we are told that Donald Trump is being exonerated. This highlights a real problem—how does one prove the negative? It’s literally impossible. But besides the presumption of innocence, Trump can point at this:

That seems about right. It's a classic "dog that doesn't bark" argument. And this video is a handy throwback:

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And we will note that we have also seen allegations against Alan Dershowitz, who was Epstein’s lawyer at one point. A motion claims that that Epstein forced Jane Doe #3 (who is allegedly a minor victim of sexual assault) to have sex with Dershowitz at one point, but bluntly, we have seen enough false allegations in motions like this not to take that particularly seriously. Again, it’s a place to start an investigation, but not a place to end one.

Finally, as we said at the beginning, this is not even everything. Apparently a Jane Doe #107—who, for all we might know, might be an alleged victim—wrote to the judge saying that she faced a threat of death if her name was known and the judge delayed the release of documents related to her:

The judge is giving her until January 22 of this year to submit an affidavit basically providing evidence of the threat. If she is an alleged victim, when you look at the names we have heard tonight … she really might have a very realistic concern in this case. After that date, the judge might withhold or possibly redact documents to protect this person. This author's gut says that the judge will not hold very much back.

One other thing to note is that even if these acts took place outside the United States, federal law can still reach that behavior. We won’t get into the nitty grits of it, but even if the alleged sex took place in one of those hellholes where child rape is legal or just ignored, if an American citizen has sex with a child, he or she might still face federal charges when they return to American soil.

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Finally, we get this headline from the satire account News That Matters:

Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! After all this serious business, we needed that laugh.

***

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